The last couple of years have been really up and down for me on a personal and professional level. There have been moments where I’ve wondered how I could possibly be in any more pain and I even uttered the words “I’m dying” on more occasions than I care to admit.  I believe that the biggest takeaway that I have received from my experiences is that I am, in fact, not going to die and that despite how I’m feeling and what I’m enduring that I’m going to be okay. Maybe not great or even good but at least okay. Not dying.

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Last fall I was introduced to The Firestarter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte. I was listening to the audiobook on one particularly melancholy solo drive to Asheville when I heard Danielle read these words. I thought to myself, “YES, this is exactly what I have been living for the last year.  And I finally believe it’s true.” Is my life exactly what I pictured it would be just two months shy of my 30th birthday? No, absolutely not. But I am not dying and my life is actually better than okay.

I have really been struggling for the past couple of weeks with feeling kind of down and directionless. The changes in season are hard for me emotionally and I have been working so much that I feel like I have no life outside of the gym. And I DO desire a life outside of work. My current work situation is not by choice for some of you who have wondered if I’m trying to ignore my life and focus on work. I’m not. I am just in an interim period with staffing some positions so I’ve been covering the responsibilities of two roles. I’m okay with the way things are because I know it’s temporary but that doesn’t mean that it’s not draining while making it through. I absolutely LOVE my job and what I do so it’s difficult to create boundaries sometimes because work doesn’t feel like work when you really enjoy what you do. But the kind of work that I’m in requires you to give of yourself and sometimes I need to take a step back to fill my own cup so I have enough to give.

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So I’ve been doing some thinking of how I can peel back the layers and get to a better place, professionally and personally. I have to get myself out of the day-to-day grind and do some big picture, long-term thinking. It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time. I want to keep growing. I want to keep evolving and to continue to work to understand and come into my own power. Sad and directionless is okay. We all get there sometimes but it’s not a place you want to stay. You have to realize you are in it, admit it and then figure out how to get yourself out of it.

I listened to this speech by Eric Thomas during my run today (I desperately needed it to get me through the last half mile. I also desperately needed the run and felt a million times better after it.) and I wanted to share my favorite quote from it.

“Don’t cry to give up, cry to keep going. Don’t cry to quit. You’re already in pain, you’re already hurt, get a reward from it. Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year. But eventually it will subside. And something else will take it’s place. If I quit, however, it will last forever. You aren’t going to die. At the end of pain is success. The most important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become.”

I’m not sure where this post came from and most of you know that I’m typically not a big sharer but I felt really compelled to write this down today so maybe it means that it’s a message that needs to be shared. Thank you for reading…whether I choose to post a workout, a cinnamon roll recipe or a life rant.

xo