One month from today I will turn 30. I have mixed emotions about this. It’s not being 30 that freaks me out…it’s more all of the evaluation that comes with entering a new decade of your life that freaks me out. The true struggle is letting go of the picture of what I thought my life would be like at 30. And dropping all of the comparison that comes with my path being a lot different than many friends who are also entering their 30s. How many times have I talked about giving up the illusion of perfect? Yes, the illusion. No one has a perfect life but I still work every day to allow myself to be real and flawed and not act like a perfect robot. Because that’s just exhausting to maintain.

Last night I was having a conversation with a friend about her career and overall life balance challenges. She’s wondering whether to give up on some dreams or keep pushing. I told her to push. She is an incredibly strong and talented woman who has worked so hard to get to where she is today. Worst case it that doesn’t work out in the end (which I don’t think will be the case) but at least she can say she tried. If we all did what was easy and avoided being challenged, we would have absolutely no story to tell. Let me be clear that I am not advocating creating drama in order to create stories but I am advocating stepping outside of comfortable, seeking growth and staying true to what lights you up.

I thought maybe I should do something challenging for the 30 days leading up to my birthday…I considered 30 days of yoga with a focus on my neglected ashtanga practice, I thought about doing Whole 30 for the 30 days and I even had the idea of creating a list of 30 things I would do before 30.

Then I realized that was stupid and the opposite of what I need right now. The last thing I need is more stress to complete more tasks. My plate is pretty damn full. What I do need is evaluation. I need to take a step back instead of stepping closer to the fire and adding fuel to it. I need to stop ignoring my current situation and take control of the direction of my life. This involves dealing with things I have been ignoring…

Friendships and relationships.

Taking control of my finances.

Re-evaluating my personal and career goals for the next year, 5 years, 10 years.

It’s easy to focus on surface things like yoga challenges and diet plans. It’s not easy to pay attention to the things that stir up anxiety, doubt and fear.

I am full of questions right now. Which I think is a good thing. I just need to actually face the questions instead of pushing them to the back of my mind and figure out what rings true for me. And then do something about it.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that this month and this birthday didn’t scare the crap out of me but it’s coming whether I ignore it or not. Here we go.