Monday marked two weeks since my brother’s death. It was a hard day for me. I’ll say the same thing to you guys that I said to my Monday morning yoga class, this shit is hard. And I just can’t be a cheerleader right now. I don’t really know what else to say other than this is hard and I feel sad. I asked Tanner on Sunday night when I should stop talking about it on my blog and in class and he said, “I think you talk about it for as long as you have something to say.”
The kindness and open, loving hearts of others has been a godsend during this time. I just can’t even say thank you enough. I don’t feel alone in my grief and the support I’m receiving is incredible and I am grateful.
I’m just going to share another post with some general life stuff and things that are helping.
Friends
I have been laying low with the exception of the times that Dorie has coerced me out of the house to socialize. We had a small girl’s night last Thursday with just four of us and it was just what I needed to lift my spirits. We cooked dinner together and chatted for hours.
Pups
Dogs are just the best ever. Zoey has been keeping me company on runs and Sullie has been all about snuggling and being close. Would you guys believe that Zoey is turning two on Thursday?
And this one doesn’t get a ton of screen time because this is pretty much all he does for most of the day. Arnie will be 15 in January and is really starting to show his age (after years of calling him the “immortal pug” because he never seemed to slow down. It was miraculous.) He’s moving pretty slowly these days and a recent vet visit yielded news that he has spinal degeneration/stenosis that is impacting his bowel function and will eventually also lead to urinary incontinence. He’s also mostly blind and very hard of hearing. We’re doing what we can to keep him comfortable. His favorite times of day are 1) when Tanner gets home and 2) breakfast/dinner. He will stand at the door for hours waiting for Tanner to come home and anytime he sees lights on the street he starts whining and pacing. And while he may have a hard time getting up and down, he still breaks out into a run when it’s time to eat.
Retail Therapy
I’ve been doing a bit of retail therapy lately fueled by my desire to PURGE THE EVER LIVING out of my closet and actually update my wardrobe. (The jeans I have on as I’m typing this post were purchased in 2003…true story. But at least I’m wearing jeans so that is a step in the right direction.) I did some damage at Nordstrom Rack last weekend and look for a post coming later this week on my recent ThredUp finds (along with an awesome discount code).
One of my favorite purchases were these hi-top Keds. Now, someone teach me how to wear them.
Comforts
I got these Jessica Simpson slippers at Nordstrom Rack and they might be the best thing I’ve purchased all year (and definitely trump the Keds but unfortunately I can’t wear them out in public). I wish I could find them online and share their coziness with you but I can’t. I bought a pair for my mom too.
Being home on the couch, feet up, slippers on, dogs by my side.
#allthemuffins. My baked good streak is still going strong. I’ve got a freezer full of pumpkin muffins from a student and another brought me my favorite morning glory muffin from Sunflour yesterday. I have savored each and every one of my daily cupcakes or muffins.
Being back in the kitchen. I planned our menu for the week and restocked our fridge at Whole Foods on Sunday evening. While I can’t say that I have been enthused to start cooking, once I do and sit down to a home cooked meal…I’m glad I did.
Family
I’ve tried to talk to someone in my family every day, whether it’s my grandmother, mom or dad. I’m also so glad that my mom is texting now because we’ve been messaging back and forth to check in that way too. Please send a little extra love to my grandmother, she had cataract surgery today and will have the other eye done in a couple of weeks. We’re all hoping this helps her out with her site a good bit. <3
Words
I’m listening to Marianne Williamson’s new book, Tears to Triumph on Audible right now. It’s been a comfort. I plan on also buying a physical copy so that I can bookmark passages and share some in my classes.
“Sometimes, therefore, we have to make room for our emotional pain. Months of grief might be at times what we need to go through, processing the mysteries of love and loss in order to finally see that in the spirit there is no loss and that in God there is always hope. Such mourning is a sacred journey, and it cannot and should not be rushed. If we have forty-five tears to cry, then crying seventeen is not enough. Deep sorrow is a fever of the soul, and within the psyche as within the body, the fever breaks when the fever breaks…we simply need to give it time.”
All my love and gratitude,
Jen
