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Sickness, Health and Loss

It’s been a week since you last heard from me. My last post was all about how my week was off to a great start and what I bought at Trader Joe’s and here I am seven days later living a week that has had a markedly different start.

Last Wednesday I started having flu-like symptoms. Nausea, body aches, fever, sweats, chills, fatigue…all the things.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling like I’d been hit by a truck and got an emergency sub for my yoga class. I got Finn back that day and he was with me through today. I actually think I got this virus from Finn as he had his first bout with pink eye last week, and I read that adenoviruses (which cause pink eye) can cause the symptoms that I’ve had in adults.

I’d love to say that I made a quick comeback but that has not been the case. This is the virus that just keeps on giving and I joked with my dad that each day brings a new symptom. One morning I called him and said it hurts for my ponytail to touch my skin. I’ve had sinus pressure, ear pain/pressure, sore throat, all the coughing, loss of smell, laryngitis, painful joints, headaches, nasal congestion and pink eye.

I tried hard to balance resting with making the most that I could with my time with Finn. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time close to home.

I went to bed at the 8:30p with Finn every evening but the nights are the worst. I have been up every night from 2-5a because I feel so bad. I end up reading (highly recommend Part of Your World), going downstairs to take medicine, eating ice cream and tossing and turning during those hours.

I decided to paint my toes on Saturday afternoon and Finn begged me to “do his color.” He loves, loves, loves all things color and was completely tickled to have matching purple toes with mommy.

I went to urgent care on Sunday and received peace of mind that I did not have COVID (four negative tests between home and doctor’s office). I also tested negative for flu and strep. The provider told me that I just had a really brutal upper respiratory infection.

Here’s a snapshot of my Publix grocery cart when I’m not feeling well. We’ve got everything from Gatorade to ice cream to cough drops to cars and sprinkles for Finn and more.

I don’t have words to adequately describe how sweet, patient, loving and nurturing Finn was over the weekend. I didn’t ask him to be any of these things, it’s just in his nature. He wanted to take my temperature, instructed me on how to cough into my arm and told me to “close my eyes” and go to sleep. At one point, he said to me…”Mommy, I’ve got your back.” When I was putting him to bed he started asking me questions about who took care of me when I was a baby and then who took care of Meme (my mom) when she was a baby.

I treasure my weekends with Finn and it was hard for me not to feel guilty that I was sick. To be honest, this is the third time in three months that I’ve been sick with an upper respiratory infection from bugs Finn has brought home. While this one was by far the worst, and I know it’s part of having small children, I think I need to take a step back and look at what I may be able to shift and change to take better care of myself so that I’m not run down and extra succeptible to catching these viruses.

For now, I’ve subbed out all of my classes this week and I already had my classes subbed out next week for some travel plans. Hopefully I’ll get some R & R and be back to full strength by the end of June.

Being sick is a normal part of life but it’s become something that I’ve held back on talking about in the last couple of years because it almost feels shameful on some level. I’m sharing all of this today not to garner sympathy but to remind all of us that viruses and sicknesses still exist beyond covid and you’re not a bad person if you get sick.

And then there’s this…

I was giving my dad my daily sickness check in yesterday morning when I learned that my friend Aaron Hewitt had died of an unexpected cardiac event while walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain.

Aaron and I met through the Charlotte fitness scene about 10 years ago. We were teammates as Charlotte Marathon Ambassadors (he’s right of me in this photo) and I profiled him when I freelanced with Run, Charlotte, Run. He was a great cheerleader of mine when I became a single mom and made time to give me great insight and advice about my hip injury.

He and his wife had just move back to Charlotte after living in Naples, FL for four years. We had exchanged messages just last week and I had been following his Camino walk.

In the same way that I didn’t share my sickness to garner sympathy, I am not looking for sympathy here. Life is beginnings and endings. Love and loss. Sickness and health. A lot of it doesn’t make any sense at all. There are many, many beautiful people grieving Aaron and the meaningful impact he had on this world.

Aaron’s death has rocked me. If this touches you, please read his remarkable story here, and support his family here. Aaron did nothing but bring light into this world and he departed far too soon.

Closing this post with abundant prayers out to all of us for health, happiness and love. Always.

Big virtual group hugs and high fives to Aaron,
Jen

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