Good morning. I just finished breakfast and am enjoying coffee and a quiet start to the day before meeting a friend for a run.
I had a few questions in the queue that I was saving for a reader Q&A post and decided to open up yesterday for questions via Instagram as well. Unsurprisingly, the number one question ended up being…
“What are your wedding plans?” and “Wedding planning!!!!!!!!” and “Are there any wedding plans in the works?” and more…
I’m actually glad that you guys asked this question because I’ve felt compelled to share an update about it but didn’t necessarily know how to bring it up or if I should dedicate a whole post to it. I think it’s totally valid to want an update as we’ll be hitting the three year mark of engagement on December 31 and that’s just kind of bananas.
There are no wedding plans. We’ve talked about it on and off…we mostly waffle between eloping and having a super small backyard ceremony at home with our families, the dogs and a good dinner. I also keep bringing up the courthouse (that’s how my parents did it and they celebrated their 38th anniversary this year) but Tanner isn’t exactly on board with that, which I can understand…especially since it is his first wedding. At the end of the day, I haven’t pulled the trigger on planning anything and Tanner hasn’t pushed me to.
To be completely honest with you, I did not enjoy wedding planning the first time I got married. It caused me a lot of stress and anxiety and at the end of the day while I absolutely loved and enjoyed the actual wedding day, the amount of work and money that went into it was a bit crazy and off-putting to me. To this day, I wish we would have taken the money and run with it or done something much smaller.
Maybe this is because I’m introverted. Maybe this is because I’ve just never been the type to dream about my wedding day (and I’m NOT knocking anyone who does love and enjoy this stuff). Weddings just aren’t my thing. The thought of dress shopping and cake tasting and floral arrangements and doing all that again 100% does not vibe with my truth. Well, maybe the cake tasting but I can always find another good excuse to go eat some cake. 😉
I married my ex nearly 10 years ago. I was 24. In those last 10 years I feel like I have learned SO much about myself that it makes me sad (on many levels) how clueless I was going into marriage for the first time. I will never regret the time were were together and I will always care for him, respect him and wish for his happiness but I think we both had a lot of growth and self-discovery to do on our own.
I don’t want to disillusion you into thinking that the relationship that I’m in now is perfect or that I have it all figured out (on a personal or relational level), because it is certainly not perfect, relationships are hard and I think we’re never done growing…both as individuals and together. That’s just the truth of it. There are a lot of good moments but gosh are there ever tough ones too.
And in the case of Tanner and myself, this couldn’t be more true. Many people who know us personally have commented on how different we are. We are truly opposites on so many levels but I have been able to open my eyes to see that we were brought together to teach each other so many things.
Marianne goes on to write, “A friend of mine said to me recently about her relationship with her husband, ‘I just have to get clear about what I want in a relationship.’ I told her that from the perspective of “A Course in Miracles,” that’s the LAST thing we need to get clear about. The Course would say that what we need to get clear about in a relationship is what our own lessons are; where we ourselves have barriers to love; where we ourselves are not thinking as God thinks, but rather judging the perfect child of God whom God Himself adores. ‘What I want in a relationship’ implies we need something that isn’t already there, and if that’s our core belief then no matter what or who stands in front of us we will find it or them lacking. That’s why the ego’s dictate in love is to always seek, but never find.”
So back to the wedding. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that we are committed to each other and to growth and whether we’re engaged or married, we’re a team.
Not sure that’s exactly the update that you guys were hoping for but that’s my truth. <3 Q & A post is coming soon, thanks for all of your great questions and please feel free to reach out if you ever have a question or a topic request…email me, Instagram DM me, leave a comment here…whatever!
I did a lot of sharing today, I’d love to hear your answers to the questions below.
Are you a “wedding person?” Those of you who are married/engaged, did you enjoy the process? What was your wedding day like? Big wedding or small wedding?
Has anyone done a courthouse wedding or elopement just the two of you?
What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned in the relationship you’re in now?
Those of you who have gotten married for the second time, how was the process different from your first…both from a logistical and emotional standpoint?
I told you had I had some hard-hitting questions! Please share. <3