Today was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year and the mark of the changing season from spring to summer. Growing up in the south, late May always felt like the start of the summer because school was out and the temperatures were usually well into the 90s. It’s a little strange to me that the “official” start of the summer isn’t until late June. My birthday falls on June 16 and that makes me a Gemini. The summer solstice usually falls on June 20 or 21, which is right at the Gemini/Cancer break.
Today brought a pretty significant shift in my life that just happened to fall on the same day as the solstice. It is a tradition in yoga to practice 108 sun salutations on the day of the solstice. My evening class at Y2 Yoga was selected as one of the classes that would participate in the sun salutation tradition, but as a half-mala, 54 salutations. The class after mine did 54 more, giving people the option to “double up” and do the full mala of 108 salutations.
This is significant because it was my last class at Y2. As the sun was setting on the longest day of the year, I taught my final class. I’m taking a break from teaching. I’m not sure where to start but I have to give some sort of explanation because I did not even announce to my loyal and amazing students and friends that it was my last class. I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I led them through practice this evening. Especially given that some of my students who have been with me since day one were in attendance.
I love teaching yoga. It is one of the things that makes me feel like me. But recently, the demand that work has placed on my attention has drawn me away from the studio. I’ve found myself practicing less and less and feeling disconnected from my practice and from the place that has always felt like home. Metro has to be my priority right now, especially given the opening of the second gym. I always feel guilty that I can never jump in and help coach the evening classes or participate in them.
It’s been weighing on my heart for a while now that I needed a break and a change. I am very bad at drawing lines and saying no but I am tired and overwhelmed. I admit. it. I need to reconnect with myself and focus some of the energy that I am giving to others toward my own journey. I am eternally grateful for everything that Y2 has provided me from a growth perspective. I completed my teacher training and began teaching at the studio and I feel so supported by the community of yogis there. It breaks my heart to leave them.
I read my horoscope this morning and it could not have been any truer for my current circumstance. I’m taking the next few weeks off to try to refocus. I’ll be traveling to the beach for a friend’s wedding next week and then to the beach again to visit my family the week of July 4. I’m hoping that after those trips I will have a renewed sense of energy and direction.
I continue to be amazed by the twists and turns that life presents but I am trying to have faith in myself and my journey. I’ve been speaking about this in every class that I’ve taught recently and I want to believe it too. Because really, no one expects me to have all the answers right now. I just have to learn to trust myself and the path that I’m on.